Hey Chris,

Gotta say, when it first hit me that I was going to be attempting to write a in-depth comment on a song, 'intimidated' was a kind way of putting it. Because, let's face it, two years of piano lessons in grade school convinced me of only one thing - Pianos don't like me. Same happened with flute and violin -- one trainwreck after another.

Still, I love listening to songs and music (oh my darling GB's of music files, I pet you smugly), but when it comes to knowing what's what...welllll, ya know. But it turns out, I just finished my first listen-through of the file and it was pretty fun.

I jotted down a few notes that I'll share a bit later. But first, let me just run down the lyrics and talk about the message/story:

Stanza 1: "You" character (I'll call him "Y" from now on) is afraid, and holding someone at gunpoint. Despite the person begging, Y shoots (and, the song implies, kills).

Stanza 2: This is a common story of death and murder. But this time, it seems different because Y is involved. The underlying message seems that when it's happening to you it's important. A mention of chains is a possible reference to being a victim of circumstances? Chains of fate?

Stanza 3: Everyone waits to see what Y has to say in his/her defense/explanation. The singer asks whether Y was thinking about the aftermath when Y committed the crime. A final sentence is passed. I can imagine that this stanza happens in a courtroom.

Stanza 4: Chorus (Stanza 2) but by this time, I'm guessing the chains are literal chains, with Y being deemed guilty. Images of jail, etc

Stanza 5: A woman dressed in black cries over the grave of the murderer (I'm assuming the murderer is Y). The singer asks her whether she saw this coming.

This was the stanza that confused me. At first I thought that the woman in black was the wife/relative of the man Y killed -- after all, he's dead and so she'd be in black and mourning. But then it turns out that her lover was a murderer. So her lover was Y? Or perhaps Y killed another killer? The reason I have trouble is that the Chorus talks about Y being in chains, which makes it sound as if he's alive.

Stanza 6: Chorus X2

Like in any song or poem, there's a lot of freedom to interpret a piece however the listener wants. Still, I wondered if maybe Stanza 5 could be tweaked a little to be less confusing. It's a hard line to walk between cleverly mysterious and just plain frustrating. I was a little of the latter here.

Now, let me copy down a few things I jotted down while I was listening to the song:

As he clutches your shirt, it's "mercy" he cries In this line, the "it's" almost seems to create a stumble. Maybe this line could work equally well with something like "he clutches your shirt; "mercy, (please?)" he cries" without breaking off the flow?

As the bullet flies and decides his final fate -- I'm not sure if the "As" really adds anything here (and it's a bit repetitive, imo). How does it sound without the "as"?

When the second stanza (the chorus) begins, that's where I'm really pulled into the song. It's great! The music really gets that rhythm going and the lyrics work wonderfully with it. Here, on line 4-8, I'm sold and ready to hum along.

Because now you're the one who's found himself in chains -- For me, this is the line that makes me most uncertain, sound-wise. The "because" beginning feels a dash clunky, and the "found himself in chains" is a little off for me. It's "you're the one" but "found himself" - is there a reason for using "himself" instead of "yourself"? It makes the sex of the shooter unambiguous, but I'm not sure if that's enough of a reason. What do you think?

Two more stumbles: "she prays it's all lies." and "heard this story" in the next to last chorus. For the "this" story, have you played around with the idea of using "The" story? It might change the meaning very subtle here, but I'm kinda liking the implication of there being "the story".

Final nitpick would be about that last line: And all of your crying is only in vain. That bit is a little strange to read, and though the song carries it, I'm not sure if it's the most nice-sounding possibility, so to speak. With the best flow.

By the way, I absolutely loved the instrumental part between the last two choruses. Can't say it enough. Loved it. And I don't say that just about anything.

Winding down, I want to say that I enjoyed listening to this. I scanned the comments before writing this, and I think you mentioned that you used just a mic and all to record this? what program did you use? Me, I've used Audacity in the past; it's free downloadable, and has all sort of tweaking functions for sound and quality.

Thanks for the read (and listen!) and I hope that this is some useful.

Cheers!